


Silence is golden (But my eyes still see)

by stjarna



Series: 25 Days Christmas Romance Challenge and AoS Advent 2017 [9]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: AOS Advent 2017, F/M, Fitz mentioned, Fitzsimmons implied but not entirely focus, Other, Prompt: Gold, Season 5 one shot, Spoilers for those who haven't seen S5 yet.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 12:16:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12983883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stjarna/pseuds/stjarna
Summary: Written forthe Aos advent prompt “gold”S5 Jemma one shot.





	Silence is golden (But my eyes still see)

**Author's Note:**

> Big thank you to @dilkirani for the quick beta.
> 
> Title from “Silence is golden” by The Tremeloes

 

Jemma hated and loved nighttime the most. Well, nighttime didn’t seem particularly accurate. There was no day. There was no night. Time was strange. Time was arbitrary. Nighttime was when Kasius decided they should rest. Morning was when the lights turned on, bathing everything in an artificial and almost blinding white.

She hated nighttime because it was the time when the silence became too much to bear. When her visual connection to reality was taken from her as well and her tactile connection wasn’t enough to stop her thoughts from racing.

Nighttime was when the silence was deafening; her mind screamed with worry and fear, anger, despair.

But nighttime was also her favorite time.

Part of her revolted against the feeling of unfamiliar hands touching her face each day, but part of her savored it, savored the feeling of her skin becoming lighter as they removed layers and layers of golden paint. Her face relaxed, losing the dry and cracking sensation of makeup and paint covering her every pore.

And then they led her to her room. Closed the door. And Jemma was alone. They’d wait exactly ten minutes. She’d counted it. Then they turned off the lights, and Jemma’s daily nightmare of screaming silence began.

But those ten minutes before the darkness were Jemma’s favorite time of the day.

She’d stand in front of the tall mirror and lower her robe to the ground.

And she’d look at herself.

Herself.

She’d never loved her freckles. She’d been teased for them. Now she treasured each one. Smiled as if to welcome an old friend, who’d been hiding below a blanket of gold.

She’d scan her body for scars. Recount the stories of how she got them. Scoliosis. Maveth. Torture. She recalled the pain. She recalled the strength. She recalled Fitz’s fingertips tracing along her scars, kissing them.

He loved her scars. He loved what they represented. He loved her imperfections. He saw the beauty in them.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror and felt like herself, felt her strength, her determination, her love and compassion, and her beauty.

She used those ten minutes between day and night, between silence and darkness, to recharge, refuel, refocus.

Tomorrow was a new day.

She was learning quickly. Kasius was right about that. Except he got it all wrong. Silence was golden, not because it made her submissive, but because it made her observant. Every day, it became easier for her to read their lips, follow their conversations, learn their secrets, formulate a plan. She’d infiltrated Hydra before. She’d made Real S.H.I.E.L.D. believe she was on their side. She’d wormed herself into S.H.I.E.L.D.’s highest ranks when Mace took over.

Making friends and influencing people. For her team. For her friends. For him. For herself.

Silence was golden, because it meant they thought they were in control, because it meant they underestimated her.

Well, she’d been underestimated before.


End file.
